Life Choices

Do you ever feel like you know you're meant for something more in life? That what you're doing now is not what you should be doing? Choosing the right career is such a tricky thing, and one that I know a lot of people struggle with; me included. There are so many things I want to do in life, and I can feel it dwindling away the older I get. I know I shouldn't let that get to me, that my age shouldn't hold me back from what I want in life, and although that's good advice, it doesn't always hold true. I've been at a crossroads in my life for a few years now. I stayed with a company for a lot longer than I should have because I was complacent. I've started with a new company in the same field as the previous and am finding that it's not making me feel any better. I want to change things up. Challenge myself. And where I am now is not doing that. So this begs the question of "how do I fix this?"

My first thought is to look for something else. So I have. But this also worries me that if I do get something else, will it make me happy? I know a lot of people would respond saying, "only you can make yourself happy". But if I'm not even entirely sure what I want in life, how can I make myself happy? I can be in a happy state of mind, but aren't I just fooling myself? So while I'm looking for something new, something that will challenge me and most of all something that will hopefully make me happy even if only temporarily, I've decided to make a sort of bucket list of the things I want to do, careers I would love to have and what I think could make me a lot happier. A lot of this list may not be realistic, and a lot may be, but will take a good amount of time to accomplish. Overall it's something I can refer to often and remind myself that there are ways to be happy, I just need to work for them. And please don't get me wrong, the job I have now is so much better than my last, and the people are worlds apart too, and I'm grateful I have the job, but I know I'm meant for something more. I've worked long and hard for more than half my life now and I owe it to myself to be and do what I want with my life. Right?

My Happy List (in no particular order):

1. Travel to England
2. Maybe live in England
3. Move out of state at least once and for at least a year
4. Learn how to write computer programs
5. Learn Photoshop better
6. Open a tea shop with the one and only Jordan
7. Learn how to design websites
8. Learn Interior Design
9. Write a book (maybe finish one I've started)
10. Possibly get said book published
11. Travel all of Europe
12. Meet people who inspire me
13. Travel the U.S.
14. Live in New York
15. Live in Oregon or Washington
16. Become a better piano player
17. Learn a new instrument
18. Socialize more, not be such a hermit
19. Own a home
20. Paint and draw more
21. Take up photography and film making
22. Learn how to better edit films

If you noticed, my aspirations aren't typical of the women in my state of wanting to get married and have kids. Those aren't a high priority for me. If love finds me, then so be it and I'll welcome it with open arms, but it's not something I strive for right now. I need to find my inner happiness first. And as for kids, well if you know me then you know that is most definitely not a concern of mine.

This list may grow, but hopefully it will shrink because I've crossed things off for having accomplished them. I just want to be happy and love what I do. I don't think that's too much to ask.