The Adventures of Lily the Cat (As Told By Lily)

So this morning as my human was dressing for the day I decided to go take a poo so that the bathroom would smell all pretty when she went in there (this is a fairly regular thing). But my plans were foiled by this giant spider hanging around my box. The thing was huge! So I decided I would watch where it goes and guard it from my human. She didn't like that so much because I guess I looked like a freak just sitting there staring at the box, so my human decided to look at what I was guarding from her. Now normally I would protect my human from an insect, but this thing was so huge I bolted from the scene as soon as my human revealed its hiding place. She said some cuss words I believe, but I don't know. Most of what my human says is warbled sounds, but I know she didn't appreciate my coward ways. So to make up for it, I decided I would play cute and scared and let her give me loves. Then I decided I had enough, hissed and walked away. I feel this was justified. And as for the spider? I think my human killed it, but I'm going to be cautious around my box for a bit in case it had friends. Man I should have just pooped. I'll figure something out, my human is gone and she won't know for hours.